I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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