We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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