woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
