just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
