Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
