those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize