ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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