The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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