That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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