So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
