i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize