and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize