Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
