Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
