You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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