So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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