i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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