Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
