This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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