sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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