I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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