I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I looked at my own cervix.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
