so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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