We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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