at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His hands were made for my vagina.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
