Non-Jews are for practice
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
