Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There r osticjed everywhere
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
