We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
