i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
