I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
