How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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