It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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