9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
