Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize