Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Im part way to drunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
