Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
