Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
its liver damage thursday
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize