Michael Bay diarrhea
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
