we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
