He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
