just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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