We won't sleep together?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
