I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
