Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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