i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
