a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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