her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
