she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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