Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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