dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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