thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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