You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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