I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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