Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
