I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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