Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
