I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
