I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
