I wish I only lived at night.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
