Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
