Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
