From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
