We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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