so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize