Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
