i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
