I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
