but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
